Trapped but living

Written by Kathryn Lyons – PDA’s QLD Associate Director

For the last six months, whenever I got my menstural cycle, I would lose my voice. In the beginning it was only for 24 hours, but for the last three months my voice would disappear for weeks.  I would be talking fine and then the next second nothing. Not even a whisper. It is the most bizarre thing. 

Currently, it has been 22 days without my voice and it has been really hard trying to communicate with people. Auto correct has been very fun to deal with. 

At times I just feel trapped. When people don’t understand you and you cannot verbally communicate, it gets very frustrating watching others trying to guess what you are trying to say even if it’s the simplest thing such as “Hello. How are you?” or “Milo”.

I am currently using a text to speech app, but the voice sounds so sarcastic and nothing like me, giving a different context to what I want to actually communicate.  

I just feel trapped inside myself unable to speak out as I once could. 

But I knew I could not let this stop me from living. 

I had to adapt quickly and find a way to go forward with this!   

So, I kept streaming and changed things around where, instead of talking, I would play music and chat via the chat box with everyone and it has been working amazingly.

Still determined to break down the walls and taboos of the disability area, I started to branch out. I took up modelling, which is going well. In a few weeks I am going to be involved in an amazing fashion show where I will be on the cat walk – or as i like to call it, “Catwheeling”. 

I am still active in my advocacy work, raising awareness about diversity as well as public speaking. As I find different ways to adapt without my voice, I am determined not to let it stop me.

My main focus is to make changes within the community and around the areas of sanitation, hygiene and infrastructure – working on creating real inclusion. 

I even started going to the gym, hoping that through building up my core muscles my voice will one day return. 

However, even if this does not happen, I have learned that I can adapt to any situation. And so can you. 

Just because something happens or something in us changes, this does not mean we have to give up. 

We can keep going. Remember it is okay to feel trapped in yourself at times, so long as you keep going forwards. 

You just have to get up every day with a smile on your face and tell yourself “I am going to have a great day” – even if you cannot verbally say it!

No matter what challenges life throws at us, we are all strong and can get through it. 

I refuse to allow curve balls stop me from achieving my goals. I will continue to make change in the world and live my best life.

Alongside and in spite of my disability, potential ongoing deterioration of my medical conditions and life in general, I will continue to adapt and keep moving forwards. 

You can too!

Kathryn Lyons 💕

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