Written by Sarah Styles – PDA QLD Associate Director
Often it can take time to find answers, let alone the right support. Finding the right medical professional who works with you and understands enough, and being able to access appropriate support, can take years. Or maybe answers and support are available in good time. Either way we all have questions. When the disability or long term answers are newly acquired, life will never be the same again. The more answers we get the more questions we have – and there is always something that accompanies those questions – fear and uncertainty. So we ask, can we use that fear to our advantage?
What is fear? 1: An unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger 2: anxious concern 3: reason for alarm.
Fear can interrupt processes in our brains that allow us to regulate emotions, read nonverbal cues and other information presented to us, reflect before acting and act ethically. This impacts our thinking and decision making in negative ways, leaving us susceptible to intense emotions and impulsive reactions (Louise Delagran, MA, Med).
Fear in this state becomes our enemy. The high level of cortisol causes long term damage to our physical health and when left unchecked we become controlled by our emotions and instincts – which never works in our favour – within ourselves, family or when working with the medical profession. But fear can be my friend, and we work together for my good.
I have learned to sit with fear and pain. Don’t fight them. Fighting makes it worse. Just sit with them and breathe. This creates a still place. Yes, you may be enveloped by fear, but this is good because now it’s not attacking you. In this state you can ask how your fear and pain can guide you. There is a strength in being able to exist alongside them. We may be afraid of the unknown, but we become empowered by listing the unknowns and seeking information about them to be more prepared. One benefit to this is having a better idea of what questions to ask doctors etc. This is your life, so become comfortable with seeing yourself as the boss. But accepting that we may not have complete control over every aspect of each stage is also important. We can still live a full life in whatever way that manifests for us individually.
So take slow breaths, seek information, find the little things each day to delight in, celebrate all the little wins and take breaks from advocating. And challenge your idea of what living a full life means. This looks different for each of us.
